It’s time to release.. and learn how to forgive and forget.
Has there ever been a time in your life that someone has wronged you, treated you unfairly or hurt your feelings? I know most of you will say, “of course, who hasn’t had that type of experience at some point in time?” Have you held grudges against the people whom you felt treated you unjust or have you let it all go? I ask because it is interesting and a little disturbing to me when I hear adults place blame on their circumstances and past experiences and make them justifications as to why they are or aren’t further along in life.
Please don’t take me the wrong way, I don’t condone mistreating anyone and I don’t think that it’s okay to victimize others. The act itself isn’t what I’m questioning, instead, I am questioning the after effect of the experience and I’m wondering if it’s being used as a tool to hold anger and resentment within you. I admit that I’ve never been a holder of grudges. I’ve been hurt, disappointed and broken hearted however I think I was born the eternal optimist because I simply don’t let those things get me down. And if they do bother me, they don’t get me down for long.
I recently read an article in a woman’s magazine about how anger and the unwillingness to forgive is a contributing factor to all types of diseases, from cancer to heart disease. Wow, when we hold a grudge or dwell on another person with anger and resentment…it hurts us even more! We become toxic from the inside out and the toxic thoughts have a long term, detrimental effect on our health and well being. Not anywhere in the article that I read did it say that our angry thoughts cause the person we’re angry at to suffer, instead our angry thoughts cause us to suffer even more. Okay, it’s time to let it go and move on with your life!
Confucius said, “To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it”
Take this statement and repeat it several times each day upon waking in the morning and before falling asleep at night. “I forgive ______________ for ________________ and I forgive myself for holding this anger for so long.” “Today I am free from all anger and hurt.”
Have you forgiven yourself for past mistakes? I don’t hold grudges directed towards others but I have been known to get very upset with myself for making a mistake. Can you relate? I have gotten so irritated with me for making bad decisions in love, business, and in life. I am constantly reminding myself that the errors were all part of the lessons and the journey which has led me to this wonderful place in my life.
If you find your anger is directed at yourself, take this statement and repeat it as often as possible. “I forgive myself for _________________ and I now release the anger and the pain associated with that experience.” “My mistakes are my lessons by which I grow from today and always.”
A great book to read on the power of forgiveness is by Louise Hay and is titled, You Can Heal Your Life. This book is a classic on the correlation between anger and poor mental and physical health. She offers some wonderful affirmations and exercises to release the anger or pain associated with a life experience or painful action caused by another person or even by you.
I love the saying, “have attitudes of gratitude to make your life brighter and happier!”
Over the years I have been angry and disappointed by an incident or by something that didn’t happen for me however years later I see the beauty of the situation and I am grateful for it. For instance, when I first decided to become a full time entrepreneur I struggled and I went flat broke (emotionally and physically) in pursuit of my goals. It was a painful and humbling experience for me to go through and yet, years later I look back with gratitude for those lean years of hardship. If I hadn’t struggled, I wouldn’t be the successful life coach that I am today. How would I identify with my frustrated coaching clients had I breezed right through and created an abundant business right out of the gate?
Sometimes when we’re in the moment of the challenge, it doesn’t appear to be anything we could possibly be grateful for and yet, if we can hold on for a couple of years…the gift is often revealed. Another for instance is a situation of the heart which occurred for me several years ago. I loved, I lost and I was hurt from the experience. It took me awhile to get over that heartbreak and now I look back and I could just kiss the man who broke my heart! Thank God he was a dud and moved on because shortly after him, I met my now fiancé John and trust me, he was worth the wait! Had I not gone through the darkness, I may never have experienced the bright sunshine I live in today.
Let go of the past and live in the now. Now is where the living is…not yesterday or even tomorrow. Now is the time to forgive, forget, be grateful and live your life. Look back with compassion on any situations which caused you pain. Did any good come of the past experience or can you see the gift of the incident today? Are you better, stronger, and a more determined person because of your life mistakes?
Will you let the past go so that you may be healthier, happier and more successful today?
You deserve the joy of forgiveness. If it’s painful and making you sick…forget about it! (Use strong Italian accent when saying that last sentence)
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I’d love to hear your thoughts. So please share your comments below in the comment box for our community.
I look forward to sharing again with you very soon. By the way, if you haven’t find out why you deserve to own The Smart Girl’s Guide To Home Business Success. Click here to find out more.
Until we meet again – I believe in you!
“Today is the day of my good, I accept all of the gifts coming to me with open arms and an open heart.” ~Lisa Kitter
Often times in life, we have to make tough choices and difficult decisions and those choices we make ultimately, carve out our future. How many times have you looked back and thought to yourself, “if only I had made a better choice” because you realize the decision you made, way back when, has now effected you in a detrimental way? Of course, we can all identify and as they say…hind site is 20/20.
How can we alleviate costly and painful mistakes? How do we make the “correct” decision in the moment, in order to avoid the agonizing repercussions days, weeks, months and possibly years down the road?
Is the answer to remove the “emotions” from the equation, when making tough decisions?
When emotions are high, tempers tend to flare and many times, reasonable thought processes aren’t taking place because we are in the heat of the moment. So, is it better to take a “clinical” approach to decision making and remove the emotions altogether, is that even possible?
Science has proven that upwards of 95% of all decisions we make, are made emotionally and this decision making, in the moment approach, is directly related to survival and our “fight or flight” responses. This is a huge benefit if you are in the woods and about to be lunch for a hungry grizzly bear but not so beneficial, if you’re attempting to make a decision about your career or a personal relationship issue.
Medical science has also proven that nearly all of us are “poor thinkers” and we make bad decisions, most of the time. Wow, its time for us to better learn how to control our emotions so that we can then make more positive, well-thought out choices and decisions.
After all, we’re talking about potentially altering the course of our lives, our very destiny, and each and every time we make a choice, we’re literally setting the wheels of our fate in motion.
Making mistakes is part of the growing process and sometimes, you make the best decision that your able, in the moment and still it comes back to bite you down the road.
The key is to recognize that you can take all the correct steps to facilitate a good outcome however their will be times when you’ll just have to “roll with the punches” and give yourself an “A” for effort.
Here are a few suggestions to implement to assist you in making better decisions:
- Take a deep breath and count to ten or twenty. How are you feeling? Your body can be an “error free guide” to give you clues as to how you’re handling the situation. Is your heart racing, are your palms sweaty, are you talking loud or perhaps even yelling? Focus on calming yourself prior to making any moves or decisions.
- Gather as many facts as possible, prior to taking action. There’s an old adage, “Emotions cause people to act and logic causes people to think.” The goal is to stay in control and rise above the situation as much as possible, so as to see the “birds-eye perspective.” In other words, think before you act!
- Visualize the outcome you desire to experience. Prior to having the conversation with your boss or loved one, see the conclusion in your minds eye. Weigh your options and follow the vision to the end result. In other words, “if I do this, here’s my outcome but if I do that…the result is this.” Visualize yourself calmly stating the facts, offering your thoughts or feelings and doing so in a calm, matter of fact way.
- Maintain your “emotional posture.” Recognize the feelings of panic or neediness that may crop up for you when decision time comes around. Posture up and maintain your personal power which comes from conjuring up strong feelings of self love, self respect and a confident sense of “self assuredness.” You may have to speak to yourself internally and ask this question, “If I were a busy successful and confident person, what would my decision be?” Think of a person whom you admire, respect and consider a leader then “pretend you are them,” how would they handle this situation, what would they say, how would they respond?
- Make the decision. Indecisiveness is a sure-fire way to invite others to take advantage of you or to possibly even manipulate you and to feed on your emotional instability. When faced with a decision; weigh your options, gather the facts available, take a deep breath and make the best decision possible – the worse thing you can do is avoid making a decision because of fear.
Flexing your “decision making muscles” take practice and it’s something you’ll have to build up and continue to develop over time, until you feel more at ease with yourself and with your new-found abilities to keep emotions in check, while making better choices for your life.
Until we meet again – I believe in you!